I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
