I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
