I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize