I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
