hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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