You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
