if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And then my night got REAL pukey
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
