Redeem this text for a blowjob
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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