I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Alive.
So much puke
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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