shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize