It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
