just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
