hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
