i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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