I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
