I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All the doctor said was why
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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