you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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