Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
