I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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