it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
