Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
