Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
