Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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