You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
