Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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