I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
