i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
