That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
