She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sorry about my life...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
