I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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