I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
