you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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