My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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