Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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