Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
