Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
