He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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