i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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