I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
