There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
