just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
