My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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