Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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