i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize