Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
