Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
