I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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