Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
