Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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