i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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