They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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