im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
