he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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