So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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