i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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