I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
