if you like me you must not know who I am
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
