I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
