I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
