feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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