Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
