I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize