just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
