so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
