I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
