i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
