She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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