I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
