Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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