garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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