i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
