every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
