I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
