When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
