She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
